Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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