I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
