I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Randomize
