He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
