Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
