every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
