I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
