Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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