but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
