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my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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