His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
