Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
