this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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