so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
