I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
