how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
