3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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