If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
