So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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