you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
