yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
