Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
