whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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