shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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