last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
