This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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