Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
