btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
