I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
