i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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