Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
