This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
