There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
