What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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