I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
