My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
