You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
