I wannas sexs uuuuu
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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