Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
