Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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