I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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