hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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