I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
