Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
