If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
