I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
