God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
