I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
