My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Boobs are out for the taking
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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