maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
