Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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