i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is classic penis vs brain.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
